At Compassion Internationals Artist and Speaker Retreat, Donald Miller told us to ask ourselves “what if..?”  What are those big things that you dream, those thing that are so outrageous they seem impossible.  My life has become so comfortable that when asked to dream, I couldn’t think of anything.  My heart used to be bursting at the seems with ideas and visions and hopes for the future.

Somehow in the last year I have forgotten my calling.  With the excitement of falling in love and starting a life with my husband, I started overlooking the passions and dreams God placed in my heart long ago.

I think it’s natural when you get married to have a knee jerk nesting type response.  Our conversations fast became about paying off our mortgage, remodeling the house to accommodate children, and mapping out our lives in the world as we currently know it.

When did comfort became my aim?  We have spent the first months of our marriage fixing our home, setting our budget, and finding a comfortable routine.  These constants have provided a safe environment for my marriage to grow in.  It has been a priceless time and one that has brought much joy.

Ultimately, my life has become too comfortable.  My growing comfort level in my physical surroundings has become increasingly uncomfortable in my spirit.  I thrive in change and during forward movement.  I love a challenge. I also love routine.  I must learn to equally live out of routine and spontaneity at the same time.

Don also said that our dreams aren’t meant to be lived in our journals, but rather experienced in real life.  Admittedly, I am living in my journals right now, and I’m okay with that. It’s a step in the right direction.

I am remembering how to dream.  I am remembering the desires and passions God placed in my heart long ago. I am remembering that one of those was marriage to a wonderful man and creating a stable home environment.

My What if’s….

What if I could sustain our lives with my art career so that we have free time to volunteer and wander the world?

What if we moved to India or Spain or Latin America for a few years?

What if I could help end the gendercide in India and China?

What if we could create a home for abandoned girls in these countries?

What if we pursued being foster parents?

What if we sold everything we had and just followed the wind for a while?

What are your “What if’s…”?  Have you forgotten how to dream?