As I mentioned yesterday, we recently cleaned out all of the closets in the house.  Our home is always pretty kept together.  What I consider a mess is likely no where near it in other people’s eyes.  I would always be embarrassed to open our closets when people came to the house, often throwing guests coats over the bed instead of braving the cobwebs of our coat closet.

In emptying, sifting through, throwing away, and reorganizing our closets, I began to long for the same overhaul on my spirit.  How dark and dirty the back of the closets were.  Small and big things alike were easily hidden by the darkness.  My spirit is much the same.  The deeper I allow myself to dig and the more cobwebs I push aside, I find a greater truth of my past that I have long neglected.  There are parts of my past that still haunt me, parts that are still covered in shame, and parts that are lies masked as the truth.

In the quest to remember my passions I have become overwhelmed by memories of the past.  I can’t figure out where I’m going without remembering where I’ve been.  Trying to separate the two has left me anxious and with one really organized house.

I uncovered years of journals from my closet.  My first step is to read through them all.  It’s going to take time to process them but I’m ready.

I don’t know what lies ahead, but I know that I need to take an honest look at the story of my life.  I need to wipe off the years of dust it’s collected in the back of my emotional closet, and see it with new eyes.  So I’m committed to journaling, seeking the counsel of friends, and going back to counseling if needed.

I’m ready to quit fearing my past so I can look faithfully toward the future.

I’m ready to unshackle myself from shame so I can walk toward freedom.

I’m ready. Are you?